guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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