so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
