): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
