I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
