I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
