I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
