I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
