You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
