If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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