Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
