Im at strip club and am horny
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
