If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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