I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
