just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
