and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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