sarcasm needs its own font
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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