so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
