she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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