dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
