my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
