I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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