am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
