soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize