I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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