The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
