I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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