I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
