I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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