just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
