Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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