God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
