Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
