Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
