You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
