This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
