help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
