Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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