i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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