I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
