Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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