All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
