i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
