champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
