I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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