Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
