Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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