Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
