Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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