Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my shit smells like andre
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
