I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize