I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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