I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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