and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
