It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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