She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
