Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
