Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
