And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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