I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize