She said her name was "party"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Is it penis luge time yet?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
