You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
