what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
