I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
