just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
