I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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