I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize