last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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