how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
