I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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