Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
