why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
