my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
