fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
