dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
