Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
