oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
