ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
