winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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