3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
