feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
