We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
