If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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