oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
