Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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