Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
