Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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