Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
