Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
