I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize