Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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